president-obama-chipotle

President Obama has faced many a crisis during his six years in the White House. Health care, the Iraq War, Bengazhi, all serious moments where he had to use tact to tell the American people that order would be restored and faith need be had and whatever political onus you could think of. His biggest controversy yet may have occurred in one of America’s greatest landmarks, all while attempting to prove he’s an everyman at heart thanks to the White House’s Twitter account.

Chipotle is a staple for freshly prepared food and tacos. It is synonymous with declarations of the word “bae”. It is a quick stop for sort-of gourmet cooking where you can get a margarita, a barbacoa burrito and promptly wine and dine your future wife or girlfriend. It is the greatest Mexican import to America since Salma Hayek and President Obama violated every bit of her by reaching over the sneeze guard to point out his food order.

That is not the action of a President. That is more of an overlord, a dictator, someone who has read up on Stalin and Socialist manifestos and decided to wag his finger over us because he’s high and mighty and we, the people, are meek. We elected this man and this is how he repays us, by taking his long fingers and instructing that poor white woman to get him his food. She may have been fearful for her life because Obama looked like a hulking strong black man willing to get her fired if she messed his order up.

If this is the case, what’s stopping him from walking all into Russia and starting war if he can’t understand the difference between mild sauce and pico? What’s preventing Barack Hussein Obama from waltzing right into Congress, slapping everyone in the face and telling them all, “Get to work, I’m the leader of the free goddamn world?” Who taught this man decorum? Who failed to teach him that the sneeze guard at Chipotle is sacred space? What makes him so powerful and mighty that he has to walk into Chipotle of all places and stall as if he’s in the McDonald’s drive-thru? And who knows if Michelle, his wife and America’s fitness instructor even okay’d this trip? Has Obama gone rogue?

We need wonder who exactly we put in the White House, America. We need to wonder how the President has yet to smooth this over and tell the American public he’s putting slight restrictions on the pricing at Chipotle. Sign an executive order keeping those $7.99 burritos of greatness at exactly that, $7.99. Otherwise, we may have to urge Congress to impeach him.

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