Sometimes the headlines write themselves. First, ESPN ran the great Michael Jordan commercial that pretty much let down anybody thinking they were going to see the greatest basketball player of all-time as opposed to a schlub of a white guy in middle management. Then Taco Bell decided to be “cute” and run their new breakfast ads with a lot of Ronald McDonalds.

Leave it up to Peyton Manning to steal all of that thunder by getting arrested for selling drugs. Wait, you mean this Peyton Manning is only 18-years old and doesn’t play for the Denver Broncos? No? Okay fine, take it away WSMV.

Police say the woman was drinking a fountain drink that she’d poured cocaine into while driving.

She allegedly had a backpack full of marijuana, THC wax and a pill crusher in the car.

Police say Manning had been texting other people about cocaine and had been selling drugs.

So let’s get this straight. Peyton Manning, who could have been watching DirecTV, or at least sitting in a Buick, or probably eating Papa Johns inside of said Buick, had her texts picked off and it got her returned to the house for 6? Thanks America.