I know some people love to pile on certain cities for being tortured fan bases but Houston’s legacy for being tortured at this point is ambivalent on the national stage. Yet right here in the city? It’s as devastating as getting dragged off your porch and assaulted over something you said on Twitter.

The Texans might be finally coming together but the nation at large might be ask themselves “Why” as to the team getting scheduled for five primetime games this year. The Astros just became a SportsCenter highlight for watching Rick Ankiel throw a strike from 200 feet away and the Rockets? The worst of them all. You know what the Astros are, you hang your hat on the Texans but the Rockets just keep disappointing you.

After blowing yet another fourth quarter last night against the Mavericks, I’ve officially decided that this time will be stuck to the lottery for the third year in a row.

As a Rockets fan, I must ask myself – what the hell did I ever do to get continuously stomach punched by an average basketball team? The team that would get your hopes up high and bait you into caring before subsequently falling all the way to 10th (!) after Utah beat Portland to be in the 8th seed.

Before I lay into this year’s squad, let me preface something. I’m one of the FEW Rockets fans on the earth who still has hope night in and night out. The team is arguably composed of the most Sabermetrically awesome players in the NBA, all thanks to GM Daryl Morey who is the Billy Beane of NBA GMs. Aside from a ridiculous winning streak my sophomore year of college and subsequently pushing the Lakers to 7 games in ’09, the Rockets have been the worst kind of NBA team – average at best.

When Marcus Camby somehow becomes your most reliable player, that’s a problem. When your supposed best player is a whiny SG who only is great for one particular thing (offense) and has skin thinner than the vag of a Kardashian, that’s a problem. When you let Vince Carter of all people get hot against you, when Jason Terry wears you out on EVERY SINGLE TIME you play & when Dirk’s just effin’ Dirk that’s an infinite problem you may never solve for as long man walks the earth.

My homie Justin Tinsley sold his soul in ’98 to see MJ get his 6th ring. I haven’t really be proud of a Rockets team since ’09 and even that might be a stretch considering I may have held a grudge against Tracy McGrady. At this point, I’m looking forward to the draft where we’ll probably draft the fifth best player from Kentucky’s starting five to fill a need because at this point – I don’t even think the Rockets can go 3-1 and somehow scratch their way in.

Pour out a little liquor on the Rockets this year, but make sure it’s the cheap kind.

2 Responses

  1. Justin

    Hey the Astros are back! #NoNameGang

    And if the Rockets just need to join Team Tank like the Hornets cause the only way they’ll get their shit together is with a great draft pick.

    Reply
  2. Brando

    I wrote this 24 hours in advance of the Rockets losing to the Hornets. Now they’re OFFICIALLY out of the playoffs.

    It’s too late to join Team Tank!

    Reply

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