Welcome back to your weekly episodic recap of everything going on in the WWE leading up to WrestleMania. If you haven’t been with us the previous two weeks then here’s a slight recap. You see, The Rock came back and proceeded to lay into John Cena and make himself once again the most liked guy in the company. Cena retorted the following week by rapping to mild response and then last week The Rock completely decimated Cena like he was nothing. Oh and Triple H & The Undertaker came back and will have a match at WrestleMania over Undertaker’s undefeated streak. Caught up? Good.

Now, this week Cena promised to respond to The Rock in the form of “The Final Knockout”. Did he rap? Not really but instead he did “hip-hop”. Um, yeah. The only funny bit came towards the end when Cena debuted The Rock’s *ahem* new shirt saying “I Bring It … Via Satellite”.

So if you’re scoring at home kids that would be Rock 2, Cena 0. Even though The Miz keeps attempting to make himself relevant in his WWE title match with Cena at the big pay-per-view, obviously the WWE has painted themselves into a corner. Rock/Cena is an absolute goldmine and would set off buyrate history if they actually did it and just had The Miz thrown in there for good measure. A Miz/Cena match by its lonesome? No bueno. As a matter of fact, Miz isn’t even the best heel in the company. That title would belong to – Michael Cole.

Cole?

Yes, Cole. The dweeb who Vince asked to replace the absolute golden standard in announcing Jim Ross has actually found a niche. At first it was him sticking up for The Miz and acknowledging Miz as a shockingly good wrestler once he became WWE champion. Plus with the whole anonymous RAW GM thing, Cole gets to read his e-mails and has developed one of the most annoying catchphrases outside of his own vintage, “Can I have you attention please? And I quote…”

The whole thing has stretching between Cole and his partner, wrestling legend Jerry “The King” Lawler into odds merely because Lawler has become the straight up commentator while Cole has created a persona thinking he’s bigger than Raw. Needless to say they’re going to have a match and that match needs a special referee.

Cue the Glass Shattering.

In case you were wondering how Mania looks in terms of an actual card, here you go.

WWE Title Match: The Miz (c) vs. John Cena (Expect The Rock involved somehow)

World Title Match: Edge (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio

No Holds Barred: The Undertaker vs. Triple H

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. Michael Cole (w/ Jack Swagger as Cole’s trainer & Stone Cold as guest referee)

2 Responses

  1. Typo-Critical

    You make a great point about Michael Cole. He’s literally the “bad guy” of RAW even moreso than The Miz (who, quite frankly to me, isn’t that special. He’s just annoying, and not in the lowkey enjoyable way Kurt Angle used to be). Too late he’s too old to really actually “be” anything in the WWE… and it’s unfortunate that most of us (well, the old schoolers) remember all too well how Michael Cole pioneered “interview flinching” when interviewing The Rock. lol

    Reply
  2. Justin

    As someone who grew up watching ECW, the Attitude era & Dubya See Dubya…. this will be the first Wrestlemania I’ve actually watched in almost 10 years. I think the last wrestling PPV I’ve see was One Night Stand. And the truth is, it won’t last for long. People like me will be done after this cause we’re just glad to see Stone Cold & The Rock back. I watch some TNA cause it’s got people I remember like RVD, Angle & AJ Styles

    Cole is the best heel & that’s pretty sad. I was laughing when I found out the guy from the Real World is the champion. He might decent but I can’t take him seriously. Everything else (from what I’ve seen) is just so corny. Cena is a Hogan clone, Orton is a Stone Cold clone & all the heels besides CM Punk are pretty lame. So here’s to me caring about wrestling for another month lol.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.