Hi, it’s Brando again. About a year ago before you finally won your first NBA title without Shaq, I wrote about why the fans (of every other NBA team of course) hated you. Hated you to a point where they could possibly use the phrase that 2Pac famously uttered on “Hit ‘Em Up” – “f*ck the Lakers as a staff, crew & a motherf*ckin’ basketball team”. Still sort of do. But we might have to make this a yearly event, Kobe – because you just make it so damn easy to write.

You just took pictures that made Ron Artest seem like the most down to earth and humble man in NBA history. Never mind the fact you let Chris Childs throw a couple shots at you twice, Reggie Miller get at you and all other bitchassness.

In an extent as it deals with your playoff series with the Utah Jazz for the next week, be lucky this is only sticking to the Internet and some media entities that only run commentary and not national news. Had it been the latter to get their hands on this story, trust me – you would have been hounded it by it every game you saw in Utah. Yes, they’re called the Jazz even though I don’t think there are jazz musicians from Mormon country, but that’s besides the period.

Fact is, you don’t pull off dressing like a beat up and unloved Milkman for the sake of art. You made Celie in The Color Purple seem like the greatest wardrobe choice ever. I just don’t know what to say about you except that this right here – isn’t a good look.

Yes, you can claim Photoshop but that’s your tattoo dedication to Vanessa and yet, Laker fans will still blindly sit by you, baby you as you call for fouls even when you hit agonizing back breaking shot after shot. Are you one of the best ten players in league history? Arguably.

Do you make decisions that make me (and most of Laker-Hater nation) giddy with ammo? Of course. If I ever decide to take a trip to LA and find myself at a Lakers game between what Bill Simmons called “Type A” Laker die-hards and “Type C” RICH Laker die-hards, I’ll probably want to have Precious in a 69 with a camera rolling so everybody in the world knew what I did.

Game. Blouses.