Ah, the end of the Fall Semester is upon us. For some, that means nothing but cramming, finals, and trying to tell your side chick/dude that you can’t use your daylight hours on them since you’ll be in the library. For others, it’s the end of the road. They are about to throw on their cap and gown and hit the stage, not before trying to shuffle their asses into their respective auditoriums since it’s 39 degrees out.

For those who still have one pesky semester to go before they can say “f*ck ya’ll aggins I’m outta here” (c. Kanye West), you still have to sit through registration for those terrible Biochemical and Dance classes that have hounded you since your freshman year – or the prerequisite you’ve been ducking for 3 and a half since you and math never got along since middle school. I am simply here to offer a guide of sorts to picking out your college courses – if college courses were like reality.

If you currently reside at an HBCU, believe me you should have taken How To Properly Spend Your Refund Check 101 the day you stepped foot on campus as a bubbled eye and maybe flat ass freshman. There’s a difference between “fun money” and “fund money”, and trickin’ the $600 you got back from the university on a girl/dude or buying rims instead of the other books you might need just won’t cut it. Because once that refund money is gone and dried up like Flavor Flav in the sun too long, you’re assed out and all the dough you originally spent on that particular girl/dude – ain’t gon’ help in the long run because they’ll start asking questions and or bop.

But for the nightlife, since you just finally turned eighteen and don’t have to worry about sneaking out to the club anymore Analytical Bopping & Statistics 203 should be your next course to think about. Boppers plan things out especially if you get in good with a club promoter ladies. Believe me, there is nothing more satisfying to a 19-year old girl than just waltzing her ass past everybody in line and getting in for free – just to say she was the shit at Metropolis or Candy Shop. Yes, four hours of being “hood famous” > four years of hard work and a degree to some.

And by some I mean basic b*tches.

For those men that have stayed on and become super seniors, do not look at Please Graduate So You Can Stop Trying To F*ck Freshman Chicks 207. We know what you do and what you’re best at because it is for damn sure not going in the library. Instead, opt for How To Start My Budding Rap Career At 30 1504. Why? Well, if you’ve switched your major enough times to not know exactly what you want to do then you might as well do the #1 thing everybody in the world think they can pull off.

Young men, don’t cry spilled milk if you got rejected from The Girl of My Dreams Smashes Only Frat Aggins 2300 because when you turn 23 and walk across stage, you should be remembered for the hard work you put in – not that leopard print suit you had to bear witness to, or the fact your girl got a train run on her by the Ques.

Speaking of those who wish to make that pledge get on line, there are four sections of How Joining A Frat Got Me 1,500 More FB Friends (And I Know None of Them). No worries as you probably would have to sit through the mid-term essay on how “She Smashed The Homie” but won’t dare even sign up for You Pledged, But You’re Still Not Attractive 101.

Honestly, if college were like reality – do you realize how many people would be sitting in I Was Too Cheap to Buy A Condom 3603 and Damn, He/She Threw My Sexy Camera Phone Pics On Facebook! 401? Well, the latter would already have taken the prerequisite course of English and Photography. English because they can hardly form a sentence higher than, “Damn yo body iz zexy” (since it’s now appropriate in some worlds to sub the letter “s” for the letter “z”) and photography because well, Everybody In College Who Has A Digital Camera & Photoshop Is Not A Photographer 1650 was filled within the first nine hours of registration.

My friends who particularly invest more hours in the library than they do in their actual dorm rooms or apartments, I suggest you take F*ckin The Stress Out of Class 2490. There is no one more grouchier than someone who spends a hell of a lot of time in the books in a closed space without a single sniff of sex. Go ahead, if you’re taking so many course hours you deserve it. Just please don’t sign up for F*ckin For Books 1101.

By all means take a computer course. It’s well warranted since we are in the technology age. Might I suggest How I Flunked Out Thanks to Facebook/Twitter 3158? Or even How Facebook/Twitter Ruined My Relationship 1336? I mean, if it is an official class and you want to tell your parents the truth on why your GPA was a 4.3 in High School but is now a blood alcohol level in college, might as well be a good one right?

All in all, I hope you take heed to some of these classes if they are offered to you at your particular university. Even though college doesn’t really work like reality, if these classes listed here were in the course load – you’d pass right? I’m sure I missed plenty such as How Not to Kill Your Annoying Ass Roommate 2104 but you might wanna save that for the Fall semester when a bunch of new faces show up.