Alright, call it brain-storming on the run while eating at Katz (shouts to Anita Ewok, The Egyptian One & Kapn’ Kirk) but after hearing somebody singing the theme song to the TV show Cheers, we decided to come up with a list of places where you wouldn’t want folks to actually know your name, or even know you as a regular.

1. Porn Shop

- Honestly, I doubt I’d want to be known in a porn shop or a a xxx video store (by the way, who knew there was a Family Guy joke with Quagmire that had been unanswered for 8 seasons until last Sunday?). There are enough awkward stares when you bring up sex in a general population but when you actually dive into the belly of the beast? Hell no. For the sake of somebody’s dignity, I’ll keep my porn knowing habits strictly to the internet where the only person who knows what I download or what I end up getting is me and only me.

2. Jail

- There’s enough bad titles in jail, “Toss Salad Man” being one of them but to be known by name in in prison isn’t one of those titles or things you want to have on your life. Fear or no fear, there’s something terrible to be known in the whole joint by a particular title. Repeat offenders who get known by wardens and cops just shows two things – stupidity for the offender and hilarity for the wardens and officers who keep catching these dumbasses. Did you not see Martin Lawrence’s depiction of a dude who tried to make a name for himself in jail by talking shit? I rest my case.

3. Strip Club

- Unless you are in town and happen to visit a booty club sometimes then you’re alright because you’re known for something else. However, if you are that regular who actually comes for the WINGS and the SERVICE and not the STRIPPERS then something is seriously wrong here. You go to Hooters to enjoy some wings, you go to Wings Stop to enjoy the wings, you even get some Pizza Hut side dish for wings – but to go to a club where they know you as the “Wing Guy”? I’m sorry. Plus, being known as the one way ticket for a down on her/his luck stripper (ladies go too) through weekly incriments of $200, that isn’t cool. Besides, making it rain in a club is not “fund money” for anybody.

4. Abortion Clinics

- I thought there was a rule on these things, that you could/should only go once if the matter is truly and I do mean TRULY necessary? Anyway, any woman who makes routine trips to the clinic failed in two areas, one in practicing safe sex and two in being a woman who spreads her legs to every Tom, Lil’ Jon, Leejon & Ray J in the building. And, if you’re one of the many people who got a Have One, Get One Free coupon from Planned Parenthood – consider what is wrong with that picture and then get back to me. Better yet, find someone to help your terrible decision making skills.

5. “I Slept With Her/Him…”

- I wouldn’t want to be known for sleeping with Brandy’s brother but I would want to be known for sleeping with Kim Kardashian. See the difference? There is always going to be someone on your list (unless you sleep with nothing but dimes – which is a lie) that you’re going to regret. Now, if that person moves on and makes that one incident even worse than what you thought it was – then you will feel shame and guilt in wondering, “Ah man, the hell was I doing?!”

Brando

EIC of Day & A Dream, Brando has written for such publications as DJ Booth, Refined Hype & the Houston Press. Wrestling enthusiast, sneaker addict, sports junkie and certified cake eater. Follow him on Twitter: @_brandoc

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