friendzone

There are three blog posts that I’ve been holding off for the longest. Casual Dating > A Committed Relationship, Hip-Hop Died Awhile Ago & Why Nice Guys Don’t Finish Last … They Just Don’t Finish.

We’ll get to the latter one first.

For as long as I can remember, before I turned into an asshole and almost single handedly killed my dating potential before reviving it again – nice guys never got the girls of their dreams. And I was in that bracket. Reason why? The girls of our dreams either went for the asshole type of guy (who I turned into at the worst moments) or the guy who seemingly had nothing to offer except being the best she ever had (when it came to sex).

Then you hear the usual responses from women. A good man is hard to find, why won’t God deliver the right man for me? When will I be pointed in the right direction.

Fact: A good man is right under your noses and he isn’t hard to find. WNBA highlights making Sportscenter? Those are harder to find than a good man.

Put it like this, nice guys act like themselves whenever the chance presents itself. They are the geeks of the world; those who pack not only intelligence but can somehow make a pretty decent joke and become a great shoulder to cry on when the time comes. The line between being a nice guy and being well … a dick isn’t hard to jump over but it is at least manageable.

Why don’t these guys finish however? They can’t finish.

Instead of taking the determination that most assholes put out in attempting to score the girl of their dreams, the nice guys plod around at a snails like pace in trying to get what they want. They push their own ideas and their faults and become self-deprecating, citing their nice guy factor above anything else. What may possibly happen is that the girl may hear so much about the nice guy that well – it turns them off.

It turns them off and puts them in a predicament where as a man, you might hear the worst shit in the world when trying to date the girl of your dreams – Passing You Off.

If being in “The Friend Zone” is the worst fucking thing in the world to the self described nice guy – then hearing this from the girl of his dreams is possibly second worst:

Hey, how’s it going? Look, you know you’re my best guy friend in the whole world right? Listen, my girlfriend is really having a lot of guy trouble right now. She just went through a bad break-up with her stupid asshole boyfriend and I’d like for her to have a nice time. Don’t worry, it’s not like we’ll ever date because I can’t see myself dating my best friend in the world – it’ll be too weird! So please, show her a nice time and what a great guy can look like – right? Love you!

Somewhere, a guy is hearing that and is secretly planning to Rae Carruth, O.J. Simpson, Chris Brown, Kanye West, Spreewell his lady. Sadly, he’ll probably just know her through texting and would be a little too chicken to actually pull it off.*

Begrudgingly, as a nice guy you also have to deal with the fact that while he may not “say” he’s in a competition for a woman, deep down inside – he’s in possibly the biggest job market in the world (over three billion women) and setting himself up for a monumental job interview. He’ll dress nice and say the right things (well, what he believes what a woman would like to hear). And when you do the right thing and still make it to fall – you might wind up meeting women like this heffer here who chose to divorce a man who was “too nice” to her.

In the end, you look like a sucker while the Plies and Gucci Mane’s of the world run off with woman who aren’t as nutty and dumb as a sack of bricks as the lady above. I mean, I believe all guys would like a woman with some education to her resume but here’s a rule everybody should remember – male or female.

Education Doesn’t Mean Intelligence.

For example, if you found out Plies got his degree in medicine and was a licensed doctor (no disrespect to anybody going out for their degrees) would you let him do anything except take your temperature? The fact that some folks have to handicap themselves (see any Will Smith movie) in order to drop down to regular guy level. Nice guys would do a hell of a lot to make sure you don’t end up with the wrong guy. Only problem is, they forget to steer you in the direction of themselves.

So what can the nice guy do in order to succeed? Well, besides not be the most self deprecating (i.e. chopping on yourself) guy there is, he has to know what he wants (something a lot of folks fail at when it comes to anything). Not to mention, he has to believe in chivalry, even if the women of the world have killed that idea like Marie Antoinette at the gallows.

It’s not about how you dress because sadly, there are some men who are obsessed with the fascination to dress like a woman in order to get a woman. I don’t know a woman in the world who would be satisfied knowing that her and her man wore the same size in jeans (only because he chooses to buy his that way). Same goes for the nice gal in a sense. She pines her heart away looking for a great guy and sends all the right signals before finding out that he’s dumber than a sack of bricks, has more girls that necessary on his bench and the worst – can’t leave his ex alone when he’s trying to “move on”.

Not saying that talking to your ex is a bad thing, but if you broke up with him/her, either get back together or not because you’re stringing hearts like puppets on a string.

But lastly, bring something other than your niceness to the table. Everybody can be nice – not all of us can be nice with an MBA and be the anti-Kanye when it comes to being an asshole.

* That isn’t advocating woman beating, but Kanye had it right. “I’d never hit a girl but I’d shake the shit outta you!” (c. Bittersweet)